8 Lessons Learned from Failed Relationships That No One Will Tell You, so I Will


When relationships break, we are left in an unfamiliar territory. We don’t know how to go on with our lives and how to trust people again. We tend to look for advice from people who matter to us the most, such as family members. However, we tend to ignore one fact – that there is always something you can learn from your break-ups.

Since break-ups is not the topic most of us like to talk about, below are mentioned 8 lessons which you can learn from your failed relationships which no one will tell you.

  1. Overthinking doesn’t solve any problems. When our relationships end, we tend to think about certain situations over and over again in order to find out what went wrong. Maybe we said something, which motivated our other halves to stop communicating with us. Or maybe they did something which we ignored. Although thinking about what has happened is an important part in order to heal your broken heart, when you overdo it, you forget how to live in the present moment and move on with your life. Therefore, instead of focusing on that person and overthinking why he left us, we should pay more attention to ourselves – to understand what kind of people we are without that person.
  2. Other people will treat you in a way you treat yourself. You need to love yourself at first if you want to find people who will love you back. Most of the times we chase people who eventually break our hearts. What is even more interesting is that from the very beginning we understand that they will do emotional harm to us but we still want to be with that person. The reason of it is that you don’t love yourself. Remember that you don’t need any approval from others. Fall in love with your own self, your values and your morals.
  3. Don’t blame yourself or others for your failed relationships. One of the biggest mistakes we do when our relationships end is to look for someone who we could make guilty for making us miserable. Sometimes it could be that person who broke up with you but other times you are not afraid to put all the blame on yourself, too. When you do so, you fail to understand the real factors which caused your relationship to fail, which often have nothing to do neither with you nor your partner.
  4. Overcoming failed relationships is not a fast process. When you suffer failed relationships, one day you will feel happy, whereas the next day you may be miserable. One day you may feel as if you are over that person who broke your heart and the next day you spend crying because of some past memory which appeared in your mind. You have to accept the fact that healing process has ups and downs. It is not a linear process.
  5. It is ok to renew your failed relationship. Immediately after we break up, we want to delete all messages sent by that person and throw out all things he or she gave to us. However, when more time passes, you become calmer and want to know how he or she is doing, especially during holiday time. Then some issue arises which reminds you how bad he behaved with you and you start beating yourself up why you wanted to renew that relationship. However, you shouldn’t be hard on yourself as these situations teach us how to recover and how to behave the next time something like this happens.
  6. Leave space in your mind not only for bad things, but also for the good ones. When our relationships fail, we tend to focus on negative things which happened rather than positive ones. Instead of remembering how your relationship ended and how you were feeling at that time, you should remind yourself that the beginning of your relationship was different. You were in love and loved spending your time together with your partner. When you focus on negative qualities your ex-partner had, it shows that you are still bitter about that relationship and it doesn’t let you live in the present moment. When you are able to say something nice about that person, it is a clear sign that you are healed.
  7. Forgiveness is the best quality to have. When you forgive, you become able to let go of your past. We all make mistakes as it is in human nature not to be perfect all the time. When you accept this fact, you embrace your own humanity. When you forgive, you understand that life doesn’t end.
  8. Don’t hide your sad feelings under the mask of happiness. When our relationships fail, we tend to get involved into so many activities merely because we don’t want to think about what happened. We become more social and invite new people into our lives simply because we want them to fill an empty space which our partners left us with. However, most of the time it can result into even more stress as you realize that you still haven’t gone through what has happened. You need to realize that more time has to pass in order to heal completely. Thus, you should get involved into activities which make you happy while at the same time process the bad feelings your failed relationship has brought to you.

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